Jelly is threatened “wiv beats, innit”

There’s a lot in the news at the minute about London gangs and teenagers with knives and so forth; tonight, heading home, I took huge risks with my life – not only did I look at teenagers, earning myself the threat of “beats” I laughed, quite hysterically, at the duo offering out street style “lessons in respec”. Bless em.

In case you fear for your own life, the little sweethearts are pictured below; they kept playing their music, doing a funky little box dance with their acrylic nails flailing (perhaps they have those in leiu of knives? They certainly looked lethal…) worrying close to, as Nanny would have said, “having someone’s eye out”. Their inane and overly loud chatter about their “sick tunes, innit” and “I’z gonna av to get some fake tan, innit, I’z lookin well pasty” filled the carraige (thus emptying it of most other passengers at the next stop – though I’m sure they were happy crammed into the next carraige) and I – much to their disgust – continued laughing at them which wound them up enough to start passing comment on me; “look at her pale skin”. Cue me laughing even harder and her glaring at me shouting “what’s funny you stuck up b***h”
“look at her pale skin? Seriously?”
“yeah” (sniff, toss hair, look gobby and “hard”) “you’re, like, well pale”
“yeah…?” (look at her like she’s a tard…because she clearly is…)
“you’ve got no colour. You’re like a ghost”

Side splitting hilarity ensues. Her friend keeps telling her not to talk to me “She’s lookin down at us just cos we’re teenagers, innit, she finks she’s better than I, innit”
“izzit” (bizarre sucking air through teeth thing, hand waving in manner of “Ricky Lake” guest)

Apparently though I have no right to look down on them because they live in big houses in Hadley Wood.

Bless em!

They did go on, but I couldn’t hear over the sound of my own collapse into mirth. Waved when they got off the train, earning myself a bitten thumb and a point.
Oh how I laughed.

This was threateny girl

I couldn’t get a good enough shot of the pink nylon clip in addition to her straw…sorry, hair…

and this is the friend who of course I would never look down on or scorn. After all, big house in Hadley Wood…walking talking class.